Taking Control
by Suz
So many people criticize all of the strange things that we are doing to try and help our son heal. Some of these people just question us, but others have even gone as far as to accuse us of being the cause of our child’s problems. Depending on which person we happen to be talking to at any given moment, we are either accused of being far too strict… or of being pushovers and of not being strict enough. It’s very interesting to sit back and listen to other parent’s views of how I should raise my son. Some of them say that I should stop being so hard on him and give him what he is whining for… to prevent the tantrums. Others have told me that I am far too easy on him and that I should beat him whenever he tries to push me to the point of no return.
As all RAD parents already know… giving in to these small battles will only lead to LARGER BATTLES… and beating him would just bring Protective Service Workers to the door. Please, if you want to help your children… do not give in to these daily battles, and PLEASE do not ever beat them. Neither of these methods have been proven to work with RAD children, and both will make your child even more sick.
I used to worry about what others thought of me when I was forced to use these different parenting methods out there in public places. Since my child was getting very good at saying and doing things VERY QUIETLY, I was well aware that I was the one who looked dysfunctional to the entire world. An example of this would be when my son would walk up to me and give me a huge hug in front of a stranger. To the stranger, it appeared that my son was highly affectionate and they may even find his actions to be very sweet. What the stranger didn’t know was that in the middle of that nice big hug, my son was putting his hands in some very inappropriate places on my body, whispering inappropriate things in my ear, or doing or saying something to make me want to push him away. To the stranger, this very sweet and loving little boy was trying to give his mother a hug and she (the lunatic mother) pushed him away and made him sit down on the floor to do some Strong Sitting (Time-In.) I very quickly learned that in order to survive raising this child, I had to STOP worrying about what other people thought, and concentrate on taking back the control. I knew that my son was using strangers as a stepping-stone to get away with poor behavior, to make me look like a bad mother, and trying to show me that he had all of the control.
These children NEED us to be in control at all times. Do not be afraid to do what you have to do in public… no matter how mean you think it might make you look. Those people are just strangers… and more than likely… you won’t ever have to see them again anyway. But your child will be your child forever… and you really need your child to know that he cannot manipulate you, or your rules when he is away from home. Stand tall… stand firm… and do what needs to be done… no matter who might be looking over your shoulder. Someday…. your child might even thank you for it.
