March 1, 2011
For the most part, the tears have pretty much stopped now. I will admit that there are still some occasional moments where a few tears still sneak out when I least expect them to, but I am no longer sitting on the kitchen floor sobbing… so that is considerable progress. ; )
TLP left the crisis home on January 19th and moved into a group home. For those of you who have been following this transition on the TLP Message Board, you already know all too well that this was not an easy decision for us to make. Yet, I now understand that is was a necessary decision that we had no other choice but to make for TLP’s emotional well-being… as well as for my own.
TLP is thriving well in his new home and working very hard to prove to the staff that he can be a very responsible young adult. He calls and texts me almost daily now, to tell me how he is doing. He calls and texts me to say that he is very sorry. He calls and texts me to remind me that he loves and misses me. He calls and texts me to ask if he can come HOME for an overnight visit.
I have been trying really hard to stay connected and to be there for him emotionally, but I am also trying really hard to give him the space that he needs to continue growing. TLP continues to attend high school and will be graduating this year. He also continues to have weekly therapy sessions with his therapist, who is also helping him make this transition into adulthood.
I am still continuing to have weekly sessions with my own therapist, who recently told me that I am completely sane… just grieving. So that’s always encouraging. ; )
With TLP leaving our home, my husband and I have suddenly became empty-nesters… and I have been attempting to adjust to a strangely quiet house. This may sound like an easy thing to get used to, but it really isn’t so easy at all. Yet it has given me lots of time to cry… and reflect… and to decide where I’m supposed to be going from here. Conversations with family members who tell me how lucky I am to be done with the RAD life still send me spiraling and result in unexpected tears. Tears that tell me that I’m not DONE…. that I can never be DONE… because I know that I still need to be here for my son... and for all of you.
I will come back later and write more, but for today… I just wanted all of you to know that I am okay… and TLP is okay…. and that I am still here for all of you. Not because I feel that I have to be here, but because I want to be here… and need to be here.
Thank you to all of you who have been here for me over the years, and please know that I have no intentions of abandoning you... because you're my family and I love you all! Besides, we still have a lot of children to raise together, don't we?
So nope... my work here is NOT done because I'm still standing... and so are all of you! : )