Awareness of Past Behaviors
Verbally Expressed by TLP (The Child) - Typed by TLP's Mom
I was always afraid of my surroundings. When my mom took me to the store, I was afraid. I was afraid that I would run into my birth-mom, but we never did. I was afraid of everyone. I was afraid that everyone would take me back to my birth-mom. I was afraid that my birth-mom would take me back to her place when she saw me. I don't like my birth-mom. I love her, but I don't like her. I don't like her because she hurt me.
Sometimes I would see somebody that looked like her and I didn't want to be in the store. So I acted weird, trying to get my mom to leave the store because I really thought I saw my birthmom and I was scared. I used to make a scene. I used to trip my mom. I used to run away down the aisles and scream. I used to kick and scream. I used to bite my mom. I used to think that hurting her was a better way to get her attention that I wanted to leave.
When I was upset, I didn't want anybody to help me. I wanted my way. I wanted to do things on my own time. Sometimes I still do, but not like when I was little. When I was little, I didn't want people to take care of me. One time at Blockbuster, I wanted my own way. My mom told me to do Strong Sitting. I wouldn't do it, and I kicked and screamed and kept walking away from her. My mom chased me and jumped on me. She held me in the store. I thought she was a stunt woman jumping on me. She put me face down and I squealed on the floor. I was surprised that she did that. At first I was thinking that she was going to hurt me. I was screaming on the way home in the car. I bit her really hard. I thought it made me feel stronger. I liked the reactions I got when I did bad things. I liked to hear people yell. I liked to make people angry. I liked to do things that would make people stay away from me so I could be safe.
