Celebration of Life
1931-2005
On June 24th, 2005...
after a four year battle with Alzheimer's...
Colon Cancer put an end to all of my Dad's suffering.
He was 74 years old.
June 27th, 2005
(My Father's Funeral)
I’ve sat down many times over these last few months… and tried to write some kind of a special poem… story… or some other special tribute that I could someday read to everyone at my father’s funeral. I knew that he was going to be getting sicker and sicker… and I knew that I was quickly running out of time… but no matter how hard I tried… I just couldn’t seem to get the right words out of my head… and onto the paper.
Sometimes I wonder if that was just my secret way of being able to hold on to my dad for just a little while longer. You see, if I COULDN’T WRITE… then God would just have to keep on waiting… and waiting… and waiting…until I COULD find all of the right words to say everything that I needed to say.
I’m pretty sure that HE knew that I was just stalling on purpose though….
and that I was going to keep on stalling… and stalling…
and keep on refusing to write anything…
because I never had ANY intentions of EVER letting anyone take my daddy away from me.
He was my daddy….
my hero…
the very first man that I ever loved in this entire world…
and I wasn’t about to give him up to ANYONE without a fight!!!
Not even to God!!!!
But I guess God just has his own agenda… doesn’t he?
So… needless to say… I was just a little more than angry with God Friday morning.
I could see that HE was trying to pull my Daddy further and further away from me…
and I really started to panic.
I wasn’t ready to let him go!!!!!
I didn’t want to say goodbye!!!!
I still had way too many things that I needed to talk to him about!!!!
Too many things that I still needed to thank him for!!!!!
So… I silently began to plead with God…
and I desperately tried to bargain with him to give me just one more day before he took my daddy away from me.
But HE still took him from me anyway.
I always knew that my dad loved me very much.
That…….I was always very sure of.
And…. there was never any doubt in my mind that I was always his “Little Suzie…”
Even at the age of 42.
The problem was…
I still wanted to be his “Little Suzie” when I was 50…. 60…. or even 70 years old.
The problem was… I just wasn’t ready for him to leave me…..
AND I’M STILL NOT READY TO WRITE THAT SPECIAL POEM FOR HIM!!!!!!
But… today isn’t about finding the perfect words… to write that perfect poem….
And… today isn’t about whether or not we can muster up the courage to stand up in front of an entire room full of people and tell them what a wonderful father we all had…
because there are seven children sitting in this room right now
who know how lucky we all were to have such a wonderful father.
And…today isn’t about being afraid to shed a few tears either…
or even a few buckets for that matter….
If that’s what we need to do to get through the day….
because it’s all those tears that are going to tell everyone in this room
how deeply we all loved our father…
and how hard it is for all of us to say goodbye to him today.
Today is about celebrating the life of a very special man who touched the hearts of many…
And who taught us everything we needed to know about Life…. Love… Forgiveness…. and Acceptance.
I Love You, Daddy….
and I Miss You Terribly…
and I thank you for always being there for me when I needed you.
-Suzie
August 1, 2005
They say that everything in this world happens for a reason.
I believe that God gave me my Dad....
because HE knew that he would always be there for me...
and I believe that God sent The Little Prince (TLP) to me...
because HE knew that I would always be there for him.
For those of you who do not already know this...
TLP was hurt in a therapeutic respite home in May.
A home that was well known to RAD families in the Michigan area.
I trusted this family to care for my son...
so I could be there for 10 days to help care for my dad.
I thought that he was in a safe place...
I thought he was being well taken care of...
BUT... I was wrong!!!!!
Yes... they say that everything happens for a reason...
I believe that the Colon Cancer was a blessing from God... to end my father's pain...
and as hard it was to lose my grandmother two days later...
I find some comfort in knowing that my grandmother is no longer suffering...
and is sitting up there somewhere in the clouds sipping coffee with my dad.
But no matter how hard I search...
I see no reason why my son had to be hurt again.
It just doesn't make any sense to me at all...
and right now I am feeling a bit like a failure as a mother.
Everything Happens for a Reason
-Author Unknown
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to
be there to serve some sort of purpose, to teach you a lesson, or to help you figure
out who you are... or who you want to become. You never know who these people
may be, but when you lock eyes with them... you know at that very moment that
they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you at the time that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair...
but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles ...
you would never realize your potential, strength, will power, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of luck.
Illness, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity...
all occur to test the limits of your soul
Without these small tests...
life would be like a smoothly paved, straight flat road to nowhere.
Safe and comfortable... but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet affect your life. The successes and downfalls that you experience can create whom you are, and the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact they are probably the most poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart... forgive them because they have helped you learn about trust...
and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.
We have so much more work to do over here again...
and we are all so tired and stressed.
Please understand that I will not be spending as much time at
"The Little Prince" website.... but I will be thinking of all of you every day.
