I Wonder
Verbally Expressed by TLP (The Child) - Typed by TLP's Mom
10-01-08
I’d like to teach the high school girls about not taking drugs when they are pregnant. I don’t think that I could teach it because I don’t speak well. I don’t speak well and I don’t do well in school because my birthmom did things when she was pregnant for me and it caused me to have problems. I have trouble thinking. I hear things from a loooooooooooooooong ways away. It sounds like two or three people are talking all at the same time but if I listen close, I can sometimes understand what they are saying. When there are loud noises it hurts my ears. If someone is talking near me, it sounds like a big boom. It would be like if someone turned the volume up to 60 on the TV. But the people talking down the street, it sounds like the volume on the TV is turned up to about 10 and it’s pretty loud. Especially in the morning my ears are more sensitive. When I used to ride a school bus it was really loud. I blocked the school bus noise by wearing in the ear headphones. Otherwise, it was so loud that it made me feel dizzy.
I also have problems with my feet. I am clumsy when I walk and they hurt when I run. I think my feet are formed different than other peoples. I have trouble learning things. Writing is hard for me. I have trouble writing neat and small. I have trouble remembering things but I have a selective memory. I can read something and not remember it because my mind doesn’t think it’s important and it doesn’t remember it. But I can remember my past. I remember street names and houses that I lived in. My mom drives me places and I recognize that I was there before. It makes me feel nervous when that happens because every street that I lived on were bad streets and bad things happened there. My mom tells me that they’re not bad neighborhoods but I remember that they are terrible streets to live on. A lot of bad things happened to me in my birthhome. I wish I could talk to high school girls about that too because it does matter where they go with their kids. They need to protect their kids from other people and be cautious what they bring into their home because they don’t know if they are good or bad. If the mom and dad brings bad people in their house and they’re doing drugs and passed out, those bad people are left with the kids.
Someone should also teach high school boys how to treat a woman respectful. Because most boys in this world are only looking for one thing from a woman and that’s terrible. In my birth home there were a lot of parties. Mostly on the weekends and that’s why I hate Fridays even more. High school girls and boys should have someone teach them that it’s not good to bring little kids to parties because it’s unsafe and you don’t know what you are bringing your child into. I remember people getting drunk and doing drugs and doing bad things. I was roaming the house and I saw a lot of bad stuff. I didn’t know what was happening when I was little, but if a kid rewinds it in their brain like a movie, then they are going to know what it means later and they expect this to happen again in their new home. They are just waiting for it to happen, and if it happens they will say, “Ha…. you’re a bad mom and I knew I couldn’t trust you.” That’s why kids hold their trust back from people. They’re just watching to see if it will happen again and if it doesn’t they will learn to get their parents trust slowly. It takes a long time to trust people when bad things happened in your home in the past.
We can’t do anything to stop people’s moms and dads from doing bad things, but we can tell them what could happen to their lives in the future. I wonder if my birth mom and birth dad would have did things different if someone would have told them that I was going to get hurt. I wonder if they know that I have trouble thinking because they did drugs. I wonder if they know that they forgot to feed me when they were passed out. I wonder if they know how many people hurt me? I wonder if they would have did things different if they knew that I would get taken away from them.
