Letter to the Governor - Template Letter
Dear Governor ( Name ),
Thank you for your interest in ( State ) families who are dealing with pervasive problems associated with Attachment Disorder. Our grandson ( Child's Name ), 12 years old, came to live with us over five and a half years ago because of his out of control behavior and the inability of his divorced birth parents to handle this situation. We were mistaken when we assumed that love, structure and a positive environment alone would help ( Child's Name ) grow into a responsible, respectful and fun to be with child.
How wrong we were in that assumption. While ( Child's Name ) is a good kid at heart he is a deeply troubled child that needs and deserves all the help that we can give him with your help. Our struggles are many and at times completely overwhelming.
( Child's Name ) wants to continue to control everyone and everything around him in order to have the sense that he is protecting himself because he was hurt so badly early in his life.
His behavior comes from being raised until he was five years old in a completely unstable, abusive and neglectful environment before he entered our home. We have dealt with ( Child's Name ) being physically, emotionally and sexually aggressive to one or both of us. He has consistently destroyed our property and has tried many times to destroy our family. ( Child's Name ) steals, lies and is extremely manipulative. ( Child's Name ) has been retained back in school twice due to huge learning lags. In our opinion, he should be left back again because he is at a first grade level in a 5th grade ESE class. The school is pushing us to have him pushed on even though he admits that he hasn't been working to his full potential. While ( Child's Name ) behavior is much better at school he is in no way ready for the challenges of Junior High socially, academically or emotionally. They do not understand what we have been dealing with and haven't wanted to understand ( Child's Name ) in light of his diagnosis.
( Child's Name ) also controls his bodily functions many times a day, holding his urine and bowels to the point of hurting himself. He uses it to try to push us away or to control whatever situation he is in. He is still overcoming speech, occupational and physical challenges. He has been psychiatrically hospitalized 3 times since he has been here and at least three times in MA before he came to live with us. We have been up many nights to calm nightmares and severe anxiety. He has threatened to kill me and has come at me with a knife in hand on more than one occasion. That is just a glimpse of what we have been through and it doesn't begin to scratch the surface of the horrendous things we have been through. Other symptoms can be preoccupation with fire, gore and destruction. It is not too over the top to say that these kids want to destroy anyone that tries to put love into their lives.
Before ( Child's Name ) came to us we knew instinctively that he would need counseling right away. We paid the complete cost of play therapy for two years of weekly and later on bi-weekly sessions with an excellent therapist who didn't make any progress with getting to ( Child's Name ) deep-seated problems. As far as ( Child's Name ) problems were concerned, it was a complete waste of money. He just controlled the sessions and he actually got worse with that kind of therapy. Finally, I discovered the diagnosis on my own and went searching for an Attachment Therapist. I spoke to a leader in the field of an attachment who gave me the nearest recommendation that he knew. I almost fell out of my chair when I heard that ( City of Therapist) was the nearest specialist in this field. The ( City ) therapist gave me the name of a therapist that she had only heard of and didn't know anything about. We were pleasantly surprised to find out that she had the experience that we were looking for and she has helped save our family and ( Child's Name ) placement in our family many times. We started Attachment Therapy with ( Therapist's Name ) of the ( Therapist's Location ) in September 2003 and still go on a weekly basis. Her guidance and wisdom have been invaluable. I am grieved that there are so few counselors that have the expertise to work with Attachment Disordered kids and families. It takes a special person with excellent training so as to not be manipulated by these kids so they can get better. When a child gets away with manipulating a therapist like this, the child becomes sicker and sicker as time goes on.
The cost of this kind of therapy is horrendously expensive and Medicaid does not pay for this kind of counseling. We have spent over $40,000 on therapy alone. The reason that our therapist doesn't accept Medicaid is because that paperwork is too cumbersome and time consuming. Other therapists don't accept it because it doesn't pay enough. That is something that MUST change so that that the kids who need care the most can get the best care from those in the medical field.
Another vital part in helping these families is specifically trained Attachment therapeutic respite service. We have also spent thousands for this kind of respite with the only provider that I am aware of in the state of ( Child's State ). The stress is so high in a family like ours that respite is NOT a luxury, it is for the safety and well being of the child(ren) and parents. Our son has had the benefit of these services because we have up until now had the resources for Attachment therapy and for specialized respite. We are at the bottom of the barrel. Our resources are almost gone. I don't know how much longer we will be able to continue. That would be a tragedy if we had to stop now that ( Child's Name ) is showing a willingness to work on his life to get out the sadness and anger that is ruining his life. Prognosis for kids that don't get the help they need is tragic. Many of these children wind up going from foster home to foster home, getting in trouble in school and failing academically. As adults they are likely to run into trouble with the law starting in their teens and continuing until they do something serious enough that they spend a good deal of their lives in prison for very serious offenses. Kids that have Attachment Disorder typically do not have a conscious and will con and manipulate to get anything that they think they need. Some of the most famous attachment disordered adults are Jeffrey Dalhmer, Ted Bundy and Hitler. Any severely deattached child without a conscious can be as hurtful to their family and to the society at large. The good news is that the earlier Attachment disorder is caught, the better the outcome. We all must work together to help the most severely hurt children of today for with them the future of ( Child's State ) and the nation resides.
Here are my recommendations to help families that struggle with Attachment disorder:
1. Streamline the Medicaid system so that all good doctors and therapists can join the ranks of helping our sick kids.
2. Pay a more reasonable rate to these therapists for their service so they won't turn us down because there is such a
differential in Medicaid vs. Non-Medicaid client.
3. Provide state funded grants to Masters level graduate students and above who will specialize in treating Attachment Disorder as there are not near enough therapists specially trained.
4. Sponsor at least one conference to begin with for parents, foster parents, therapists, teachers and respite providers to be
trained at a minimal cost or no cost to them so that we can get the word out about Attachment Disorder. So many professionals don't even recognize the diagnosis, much less how to treat it effectively.
5. All current and prospective foster, and adoptive parents should have training and resources to help them deal with the kids in their home that likely will have attachment issues. This will increase the likelihood that the foster placement and adoption will not disrupt and the lives of the children will be further scarred for life.
Thank you for your time and attention on this critical life and death issue. It is life and death because it is all about the life and death of families that are raising severely emotionally disturbed children. Let's do all that we can do as quickly as possible to make a difference in their lives and for the community at large. I know working together that we can make tremendous changes for the better.
Governor ( Name ), I am at your service in helping you or your staff further understand this critical situation that affects so many lives here in ( Child's State ). I will be happy to talk to you or anyone on your staff that may work on helping change things to help kids and families that deal with this crucial and largely unknown illness. Everyday I am amazed how many people lives are affected by attachment issues and yet if they heard the words "Attachment Disorder" they wouldn't know what I was talking about. Just because they don't know the name doesn't mean that it should be ignored. It means that we should work all the harder to help people get the information and the medical treatment that they need for their emotionally sick children. Helping these kids is a big job, but they are not hopeless with the right support and resources. Would you please use the love in your heart and the power of your office to do everything that you possibly can for these hurting, desperate children and the families that have given up so much to take care of them?
Sincerely,
A RAD Mother
