Lost Dreams

Sadness has become the cloak I wear.

Don it in grief for the lost dreams of us.

You were my beautiful  brown eyed girl,

Sent, I was sure, by a loving God.

The gentle child, leaving gifts on neighbor's doorsteps,

Now has become so different.

It began with the lies, then violence,

Mostly directed at me.

You were a Daddy's girl, that's a certainty,

But had never shown hatred toward me.

After Daddy left, I found you crying on my bed;

Photos of you and Daddy spread around you in a ritualistic way.

You had found his ties in the back of the closet,

Had them all wound around your neck.

"I can't make it without Daddy", you sobbed.

While I assured you we could make it together.

But have we?

Or has his leaving destroyed your  relationship with me as well.

I tried so hard to keep you safe,

And now it seems that you, too, were hurt.

How could I have not seen, or heard,

or intuitively known?

Please forgive me,

Please love me again, as I love you.

My heart was broken, too.

I tried, really did, to be there for you in spite of my own pain.

Now you're gone, too.

Along with Daddy and your sister.

I often feel that I'm losing my family, and life

in little pieces.

Fragments of my heart break away

with each loss.

I love you so much,

Want the sweet little girl to return.

Or is she lost, too,

Just as Daddy is lost to me.

Must it be lost forever?

JHT

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