Sadness has become the cloak I wear.
Don it in grief for the lost dreams of us.
You were my beautiful brown eyed girl,
Sent, I was sure, by a loving God.
The gentle child, leaving gifts on neighbor's doorsteps,
Now has become so different.
It began with the lies, then violence,
Mostly directed at me.
You were a Daddy's girl, that's a certainty,
But had never shown hatred toward me.
After Daddy left, I found you crying on my bed;
Photos of you and Daddy spread around you in a ritualistic way.
You had found his ties in the back of the closet,
Had them all wound around your neck.
"I can't make it without Daddy", you sobbed.
While I assured you we could make it together.
But have we?
Or has his leaving destroyed your relationship with me as well.
I tried so hard to keep you safe,
And now it seems that you, too, were hurt.
How could I have not seen, or heard,
or intuitively known?
Please forgive me,
Please love me again, as I love you.
My heart was broken, too.
I tried, really did, to be there for you in spite of my own pain.
Now you're gone, too.
Along with Daddy and your sister.
I often feel that I'm losing my family, and life
in little pieces.
Fragments of my heart break away
with each loss.
I love you so much,
Want the sweet little girl to return.
Or is she lost, too,
Just as Daddy is lost to me.
Must it be lost forever?