One Step Ahead
by Chrissy
Every day, I must stay just one step ahead
A step ahead of that grimacing smile
Why does this single step feel like a mile?
Will there be a time when we will walk hand in hand?
When the knots in my stomach are gone
And there is no reason to develop a plan.
Ever vigilant, clinging desperately to this false sense of security
I wonder if I will ever return to the real me?
The me who laughed easily, loved easily and lived easily
Always staying a step ahead, has certainly changed me
It is difficult now to consider, just what others see.
One step ahead, for yet another day
Planning each moment, each word I will say
Trying to anticipate each and every possibility
To avoid any potential catastrophe.
So long ago are the moments of sporadic laughter, and random acts of silliness
It is the genuine appreciation of my child that I so desperately miss.
As my days are full of staying, just one step ahead
And at the end of the day I collapse exhausted in my bed.
Some day, I pray to again feel free.
As I so desperately miss, the real me.
