Our Beautiful Brown-Eyed Girl

by Jan Taber

The heavy steel door clanged shut behind me, finalizing the decision

we had been forced to make.

I looked back through the door's little window and saw her;

My beautiful brown-eyed girl; the baby girl sent by God in our twilight years.

She stood quietly, crying, wearing a hospital gown and holding her stuffed bunny by one ear.

I wanted to bang on the door;

"This was a mistake. Let me in."

Instead I turned slowly and walked away.

My footsteps became faster as I left, almost running from the place we had chosen to help heal our daughter.

Our beautiful nine-year-old daughter can not tell truth from fantasy.

Or if she can then she chooses to deceive us at every available opportunity.

When did it begin?

I called my friend, the mother of our daughter's former best friend.

We cried together and she reminded me that this began so long ago

The lies were there way back in Pre School.

We thought how creative she was. She became a story teller.

Then the stories became destructive.

False allegations that hurt others deeply.

The violence began almost a year ago.

Just hits at first, normal sibling stuff we thought.

Then knives and baseball bats were added.

And sexual allegations were made.

And our beautiful brown-eyed daughter was out of control.

The stealing we had blamed on another;

All of my grandmother's jewelry, Bob's coin collection.

We were overwhelmed.

Where had we failed, what wrong turns had we made to cause our child such pain.

That she must get even, regardless of who may be hurt.

Where is the child who left gifts on doorsteps?

Or took cookies to the new family?

Can we find her again?

Can we somehow rescue her from the mosster that has her in in its clutches.

The monster is invisible.

Placed within her before her birth.

A monster made of genes, drugs and rejection of the tiny fetus.

Only God can help her to change.

It is beyond our mortal grasp.

Just as He helps others to overcome the monsters within them;

He can rescue our child.

Please, please, God,

Rescue our beautiful brown-eyed girl.