Verbally Expressed by TLP (The Child) - Typed by TLP's Mom
Sometimes when people were around, she (birth-mom) had the voice of a mother. As soon as someone turned their backs, her face goes really mad. She plays a role! When she came to visit me at the foster care place, she walked in with a weird look on her face and she was different. She wanted people to THINK that she was a good mom. But she wasn’t a good mom. She didn’t smile at me and talk to me like that at home. She would ignore me and walk past me at home. She would leave me with poop in my diapers for 2-3 days when she was passed out. My butt always itched really bad and it got red. She wanted my mom (foster/adoptive) to think that she was a good mom, but she wasn’t. She would sound really sweet and say, “Hi TLP… how are you?” But she didn’t talk to me like that at home. She just wanted my (foster/adoptive) mom to think that she was like that all the time.
At home she (birth-mom) used to cut herself. Sometimes she wiped the blood all over me. One time she put the knife on me and cut me just a little. I remember getting burned and cutting my head. I remember being on the counter getting my clothes changed by my birth-dad. My birth-mom came in the kitchen mad about something. My birth-dad was trying to calm her down. They started fighting and I accidentally got shoved. I fell through the window and landed in the fire pit outside the trailer. There wasn’t a fire in there, but it was real hot and I got burned.
I don’t want to find her! I know that she’s fine. I know she’s alive. But I know that she’s having a bad life. I could tell from looking at her pictures on Myspace. I could tell that she still has parties.
I don’t want her to die unhappy. If my mom died tomorrow, I would cry. I’d miss her taking care of me, and all those years of patience to keep me happy. I would miss her tucking me into bed. I think my mom is the most successful of all moms. I think she can help a lot of kids. I think she has the magic touch and an awesome personality. I think she should live TWO lives if God chose her to do that. I think that every time she helps a kid she should get to live longer. I think she SHOULD get to live longer. I think that she should get to be around a lot longer than most people because she does a lot of good in the world, and that God is going to give her a lot of years to be here because of that.
I’m getting better. But when I turn age 19… that’s when I’m going to be okay.