We've always had this one BIG rule for our family. The rule was always... "The DRIVER is always in charge of the radio... because the driver needs to always be relaxed on the road. As my children started to approach their teen years, they really tried to challenge that family rule a little, as all teens would. Yet, this past year, as I began to struggle a little over here and needed to slow down and learn to take care of myself... and let others take care of me a bit too; my two older children became my main source of transportation for a short time. It was then that I really started to regret that rule. ; )
Like it or not, I was now a passenger in D's car, and after listening to Bon Jovi over and over and over again... I would have given anything to just reach up and turn off that CD and put on some more really relaxing music. But... I needed D to help me out. I knew that I was too stressed out to be driving right now... and I had to be quiet... sit back... and listen to Bon Jovi... because it was her car... and rules are rules. ; ) Sometimes I just sat back in the seat and watched D, as she was driving down the highway... with her sunglasses on... and her hair blowing in the wind. Sometimes I smiled as I listened to her singing. Yes, Bon Jovi was on the CD and I could hear him somewhere in the background... but it was D's voice that I was listening to... and her voice was so beautiful.
I sometimes found myself feeling a bit sad for D... for all of her struggles with Tourette Syndrome over the last 20 years. I sometimes wondered how she was going to make it out there in life... being so timid and shy around strangers. But that day, as I sat there in her car and listened to her sing... and watched her tapping her fingers on the steering wheel... and watched all of that stress and anxiety disappear from her body... it was then that I realized what a strong daughter I had. Even with all of her own personal battles, and with all of the STRESS that she's lived with in our home as we've attempted to raise TLP; I could just take one look at D... sitting there beside me singing her heart out... and I knew that she was going to be okay. As she sang along with Bon Jovi that day in the car... I could see her turn and glance over at me every now and then... and I could see that beautiful smile of hers.... and suddenly, we were BOTH belting out Bon Jovi's words... and I was just so happy and proud to call myself her mother.
Lock the door ...
We'll leave the world outside.
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I ...
Thank you, for loving me...
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see.
You parted my lips...
When I couldn't breathe...
Thank you, for loving me!
D may never find the courage that she needs to ever get up there on the BIG STAGE and share that beautiful voice of hers with the world like Jon Bon Jovi does... but she can definitely relax enough in her car... and in our home... and seriously find a way to make Jon Bon Jovi's voice totally disappear. Her voice... that calm and confident voice that sometimes just takes my breath completely away... is such a treasure to me. A treasure that will be in my heart forever and ever... for the rest of my life.
We're just who we are, there's no pretending
It takes a while to learn to live in your own skin
Say a prayer that we might find our happy ending
And if you're in, you know I'm in
I'm ready and I'm willing
And I aint got no halo hanging over my head
I aint gonna judge you, I'm just here to love you
I might not be a HUGE Bon Jovi fan like D is... and I don't have every CD and movie that he's ever been in... but I am beginning to enjoy his music now. I even find myself listening to Bon Jovi when I am at home alone now. No, I don't have his posters hanging on my bedroom wall like D does... and I certainly don't have those "I'm a Jovi Girl" and "Have a Nice Day" bumper stickers on the bumper of my van... but I still listen to the music because I am a HUGE fan of D, and when I hear Bon Jovi... it makes me think of her.
When the world keeps trying, to drag me down,
I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground.
When the world gets in my face...
I say, "Have A Nice Day!"
When I first started listening to Bon Jovi, I found myself listening to the songs about sadness and feelings of defeat. I think that's why I wanted to turn off those CD's and listen to some more relaxing music. Now... when I listen to Bon Jovi music.... I rejoice that I no longer cry through the sad words, and have found a little more hope and courage through listening to the positive words. I think we are going to be okay over here. I think we're going to be okay because we have such a great support system. I think that we're going to be going to be okay because I have THE FIRE INSIDE (The Fire of Soul.) I have it... and I know I have it... and I'm soooooooooooooooooo glad that I have it. It was a gift. A gift given to me by THE KING (our attachment therapist.) A gift that I have been passing on to my family... one day at a time. A gift that my family and I are passing on to TLP.
You can escape a pouring rain.
You can run for shelter in a hurricane.
Change your face, lose your name,
Lie about things you can't explain,
But there's one thing that you cannot deny...
The Fire Inside!
I've learned a lot about life this past year... and I have also learned a lot about my daughter, D. I've learned that she's bright enough to make the Dean's List in college (okay, maybe I already knew that part)... and I've learned that she's bright enough to take a step back when she's feeling stressed out, so that she can figure out where she needs to go in life to be okay again. I've learned that it's okay for D to spread her wings at the age of 20... and take that Assistant Managers job..., so that she can afford to get her own apartment... a cat... and a little more peace in her life. I've discovered that it doesn't really matter that she's decided to put the rest of her college plans on hold for a little while... and that it's not a bad thing that D has discovered that she needs to do what SHE needs to do to get away from this RAD life now. I love her and I'll miss her when she moves away... but this is her life... and she's the one who knows where she needs to be right now. Even if that happens to be away from us... away from TLP... away from THE RAD LIFE. : (
It's my life...
It's now or never.
I ain't gonna live forever!
I just want to live while I'm alive.
(It's my life)
Today, TLP and I went out to meet his dad for lunch.
Today... he chose to sit by his dad in the booth instead of by his Mom. Yipee! : )
On the way back home, I slipped in one of D's Bon Jovi cassette tapes that she
left out in my van... and TLP and I smiled at each other... and talked about how glad
we both were that he was back at home again. As I drove... I rolled down the windows... and let the wind blow through my hair. And as TLP and I both let ourselves relax... and BELT OUT the words... I could honestly hear D's voice ringing somewhere in my ears.
Who says you can't go home?
There's only one place they call me one of their own.
It's alright, it's alright,.. it's alright... it's alright..., its alright...
Who says you can't go home?
I'm so glad that he's back home where he belongs!
Thank You, D... Thank You, Bon Jovi...
THANK YOU, GOD!
This is the story of my life
and I write it every day
I know it isn't black and white
And it's anything but gray.
This is the story of my life
And I write it everyday,
And I hope you're by my side... when I'm writing the last page.