The Next Step: The Youth Home
by J's Mom
Yesterday was the day. We took J to the new facility. We decided to wait until just before it was time to leave to tell him. At first he cried, pleaded, and begged for another a chance. Then the tears turned to anger. Only this time, the anger was not as bad as it had been in the past. It was more controlled, and not as cruel. Then, he refused to move. "I'm not going," he said.
It was then that I called my dad to come over. I had already talked to my dad in advance about coming over if we had any trouble. My dad is a big broad shouldered, extroverted man, and J has always been very respectful to him. Later, my dad told me that he was really angry when I first called him to come over. He said that he had visions of coming over and knocking some sense into J. Yet, on the drive to our house, he prayed to God to calm him down and give him the right words. My dad got a little chocked up as he talked to J, but I couldn't have written the words any better for him. Quiet tears rolled down J's face as he walked to the truck. The two hour drive to the Youth Home was quiet.
This place was beautiful. It was a ranch style home; surrounded by fields, barns, horses grazing, and a lake (made by past residents). The boys were outside playing basketball, or just standing around. The director approached us as we got out of the truck. He was a kind, but obviously firm black man. When he spoke, the boys moved like lightning. "Boys, come meet the "S" Family," he shouted.
All of the boys immediately dropped what they were doing and came running to stand in a semi-circle. One at a time, they approached us to shake hands and introduce themselves, all the while looking us straight in our eyes. The others stood silent, their feet slightly apart, their hands held behind their backs, as they awaited their turn. By the time that the eighth boy had approached us, the tears began running down my face.
After the introductions, two of the boys were asked to give J a tour of the place, while the man explained to us how everything worked at the youth home. Later, when the 2 boys and J were back in view, the man called out to them. When spoken to, the boys response was the same every time. They came immediately (ran), and stood tall, hands held behind their backs, answering loud and clear, while looking him in the eye. The man had just been telling us how peer pressure does the work here, and he just proved his point because J followed suit. My jaw almost snapped when I saw J "RUN." I couldn't remember the last time I had ever seen J run, but there he was standing in the same stance as the other boys.
The man asked J what he thought about the place, and of course, J did not look him in the eyes. Instead, he had that little cutesy, sissy, grin. Before the man could say a word, one of the boys spoke up and said "Look him in the eyes!" J ignored the boy and went on with his cutesy attitude. The man said, "I don't think he understands boys. Drop down and give me 10." J just stood there. The man said, "That includes you son." J had that "this is a joke" look on his face, and then he dropped to the ground with the other boys and began doing push-ups. He could barely do three. The man told J, "That's okay son, in a few weeks you'll be doing 10 without a problem.
The man went on to tell us that we are going to be amazed at the young man that we will see in just 30 days. He asked J about his musical abilities, and then praised him as J talked of his singing and piano playing abilities. Apparently this facility has a choir that performs in a different church every Sunday. As we were ready to go, we gave J a hug (which he allowed), and told him that we loved him. He did not look frightened or angry. He appeared curious to find out what kind of adventure would lie ahead.
I hope and pray that he will respond to this type of environment. He will be totally isolated from the outside world, including school. We won't get to see him again for 30 days, but they said that we can call as often as we like to see how's he doing.
I couldn't sleep at all last night, but I know this will be good for J in countless ways. It's time for J to grow up, and I think this will help mold him as he approaches manhood. The man told us that kids like J usually thrive with this kind of structure. We saw that to some extent at the other facility, but it was not structured enough. He told us that until J can learn to respect himself, he will not respect others. He said that when J gets into good physical shape, he will feel better about himself, and that the accomplishments he will make there will give him higher self-esteem. They also wean the kids off their meds, with the advice of their psychiatrist. He said with their 24/7 structure, that's all the medicine these kids really need. He said that many kids come there on buckets full of meds, but they do well in this setting without them.
Before leaving the facility, the man took J aside and said, "Son, you won't be here too long if you continue to show us what I've seen in the short time that we've been with you today. You seem to be catching on quick. Many of the guys take weeks to show me what you've shown me in just minutes."
We're willing to give this a try. Only time will tell, but I do feel more encouraged than I have in quite awhile.
J is NOT attending a Boot Camp. He is temporarily living in a Christian-Based Military Academy that will be training him how to become an independent, functional adult. J will be taking part in daily physical training, will learn how to be a hard worker, and will be taught the basic skills that he will need including basic hygiene, cooking, changing tires, minor car repairs, balancing a checkbook, etc.
