The Promise
by Sally
I was born into darkness, so close to the light. I was never allowed to enter. I didn't understand. In fear, in sadness, in anger; I ran. Away from the light, the sound of laughter, and the smiles of the happy; I ran. Never looking back, never slowing; I ran. I knew I didn't belong in that light. I wasn't loved, wasn't wanted. I may have tried to fool myself before, with fake smiles and laughter, but I knew that I wasn't meant for the light. Then, I fell. Into a black chasm, the light was gone and I was alone. I fell for an eternity, only hearing the wind as a feeling of emptiness enclosed me. Faster and faster; I fell. Then came a hand that stopped the fall. I could see the bottom, I was so close. I wanted to finish the fall, and end the pain and lonliness of so many years. I tore at the hand, yelling and screaming. He whispered that he wouldn't let me go, he had made a promise. I kicked him, punched him, and dug my fingernails into his hands. He whispered that he would never break his promise. I used all my power to push him away, to make him let go. He just held on tighter. I fought him for so long, kicking and screaming. His hands began to shake, but he didn't let go. He seemed angry, but he didn't yell. He seemed sad, but he didn't cry. He seemed tired, but he didn't sleep. He whispered that he had made a promise. I yelled that he was never supposed to keep his promise. No one else had. He whispered that he wasn't everyone else. He promised that he would hold me until I could hold myself. He said he loved me. I told him I didn't need him, didn't want him, didn't love him. He whispered he would never break this promise. I was so close to the bottom, but I no longer looked down. Instead, I looked at him. I saw the wounds I had caused him, some of which still bled. I saw how his body shook as he held me. Then, I looked up for the first time. I could see a pinprick of light above. I touched his hand softly. I asked him to promise to bring me into the light, where I could stop feeling anger, scared, alone. Where I could finally really smile, laugh, and even love. He softly whispered, "I promise".
Sally is an adult with Reactive Attachment Disorder.
"The Promise" was written for her husband, who continues to help guide her into the light.
