The Wrong School
I knew that there was a problem on the bus on the way home from school yesterday... and was so pleased to hear that TLP was on the receiving end of the problem, instead of the person causing the problem. Man... I really feel BAD even saying that... and I know what that must sound like to people who don't get it, but I'm just so glad that he didn't start this bus problem.... and glad that the bus driver knew that too. BUT... the protective mother in me is really upset that he was hurt on that bus... and that the bus driver said that he was crying. After pulling the bus over TWICE... the bus driver who seems very sweet and caring... decided that she would move TLP up to a front seat (near her) to help prevent any future problems. That made a lot of sense to me... and I was so thankful that she was able to help him solve that problem. It almost made me feel just a little better about the fact that TLP
(in 7th grade)... is riding a bus with HIGH SCHOOL KIDS!!!!!
So he comes home today... and tells me about the boy who punched him in the face at school. The note from school said that the boy was suspended (sent home for the rest of the day.) GOOD!!!! I was very pleased to know that the school had taken care of that problem too.
So... after dinner... TLP starts obsessing about this kid who punched him in the face. I take this really positive attitude... and I tell TLP, "I feel really bad for this child. He must have a lot of anger inside of him... to want to hurt others. Do you remember when you felt like that?"
So I tell TLP, "Do you know what you need to do? You need to invite this kid over to hang out in our Basement Diner... and play pool with him... and we need to make him an old-fashioned soda... and listen to some music with him... and laugh and have fun with him. I bet he just needs a friend."
TLP shakes his head. "No... I can't bring him here... he hates me... he's going to hurt me!"
I shake my head back. "No... he NEEDS someone to be nice to him... to show him that some people can be nice. Maybe you can be that person. Maybe you can teach him that even though he is mean to you... you will not be mean back to him. You can still be kind to him... even if he chooses to me mean."
I thought we were done. Thought I would be spending the evening getting all of those DINER INVITATIONS ready to go to school by Friday... so TLP could have fun in the safety of his own home... and make some new friends... and reach out to a child in need of a friend.
Well... as always... the joke was on me. About an hour later, TLP starts obsessing and obsessing about going back on the bus in the morning. He started crying and talking about the kids on the bus asking him for money... trying to sell him their NIKE shoes right off their feet... asking him for his watch (trying to grab it off his wrist)... throwing nickels and STUFF at the back of his head... and the list could go on... and on... and on.
Then he starts pacing across the kitchen... crying harder and harder... speed talking (like I do when I'm really nervous) and then he started TOTALLY FLIPPING OUT.
His dad hugged him... and tried to calm him down... slow him down... as I tried to reassure him that everything would be fine tomorrow at school... still trying to play the role of POSITIVE MOM... and trying not panic myself.
Didn't work!!!! He was FRANTIC!!!!!!
"The kids hate me!"
"They are MEAN to me!"
"They pick on me!"
"They hurt me!"
Then he really panicked.
"If you make me go... they’re going to HURT ME.... on the bus... at the school... EVERYWHERE! I don't belong there with those kids!!!! They're mean to people! They swear!!!! They threaten people! They talk about sex and people’s grandmas and moms!
Then he was CRYING (and frantic and pacing...)
"I feel like I'm in detention!!!!!! It's like a jail there! I can't go back there because that kid's gonna hurt me again. He told me he's going to punch me again. He told me that he can punch me ANYTIME he wants and I can't do anything! I'm going to get hurt. I CAN'T go to school with those bad kids anymore. I'm sooooooooooo SCARED!!!!"
Those last words CUT LIKE A KNIFE!
Okay... I was still able to take a step back... and let myself breathe for a few seconds... before I reassured TLP that he would be okay... and that nobody was going to hurt him tomorrow... because his mom and dad loved him and we were going to make sure that he was not hurt on the bus... at school... or ANYWHERE!
As a mother, I always keep my promises to my children to the best of my ability... and I tell you... I HAVE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF PEOPLE HURTING MY SON!!!! TLP may have problems... and he may need extra help... but he shouldn't have to go to a school where people are hurting him!
So... tomorrow.... TLP is NOT going to school. My husband called the school superintendent and left a very detailed message... I called the bus garage and left a very detailed message... and I called the school and left a very detailed message.
Unfortunately, tomorrow... I have a couple of very long appointments for myself that I cannot miss because I NEED to keep taking care of myself so I can be strong enough to care for TLP.
So... I called and arranged a babysitter for TLP for the entire school day tomorrow.
After my appointments... I plan to pick up TLP and take him up to his school... to find out what's going to be done to help make him feel safe... help keep him safe... and to find out WHY these 6th-8th grade Emotionally Impaired Children have to ride a bus with those High School aged Emotionally Impaired Students.
TLP is slow.... and EMOTIONALLY he functions at a much younger age level (I'm guessing maybe around age 8 or 9.) So... WHY would we ever want to put an 8 or 9 year old on a bus with HIGH SCHOOL kids????? How can we expect an 8 or 9 year old to protect himself from HIGH SCHOOL kids????? How can we expect him to survive at this school?????
TLP NEEDS to go back to his old school... with children who are cognitively impaired... where he can have friends... and NOT be threatened... or get the crap kicked out of him by anyone. He needs to go back to the school where he felt safe. Yes, I still worry a bit about him being a little brighter than some of those kids in the Cognitively Impaired classroom... but I'm beginning to think that the school can just bring in an aide to make sure that everyone stays safe. PLUS... the TLP that I have been seeing at home as of late is a lot more loving and caring and compassionate... and is TRYING REALLY HARD to be a good person. He's being kind to his Anoles... he's apologizing to his brother for hurting his lizard and snake when he was younger... he's really glad to be home and saying that he never wants to have to leave again... and I think he deserves the chance to go back to his old school. I think he deserves to go to school without having to be punched in the face... or worry about being punched in the face... or having his watch ripped off his arm. I think he has a right to be in school... and be educated... and FEEL SAFE too.
We've made our telephone calls tonight... and hopefully by tomorrow afternoon... the school and the transportation department will have a NEW plan... because I'm really starting to SPEED TALK.... and SPEED TYPE... and I am sooooooooo FURIOUS!!!!!
This kid has been hurt enough in his lifetime... and I'm NOT sending him anywhere where someone is going to hurt him. Not if I can help it, anyway. BEEN THERE... DONE THAT... and still trying to help him recover from the damage!!! Still trying to help myself recover!!!
So... this time... I'm playing it smart... and I have already called and arranged for an advocate for TLP. Someone who knows ALL of the rules... and has agreed to go to school (if necessary) and help us.
I just need TLP to feel safe... and be safe... and I can't send him to a school where he's afraid. I just can't make myself do that.
School isn't just about reading and math and spelling. Kids need to feel safe in school too. They need to be emotionally okay before they can relax and learn. TLP was NOT emotionally okay over here tonight!!! He wasn't manipulating me!!! He's not going to learn when he's terrified!!!
I think we need to look at safety and emotional wellness FIRST... and THEN worry about teaching the reading and writing and math.
Am I the only person who knows this?
Update: TLP went back to his old school after the meeting.
: )
