I believe that having a sense of humor is a major necessity for parents of RAD children.
In fact, when I'm not crying... I make it a point to laugh as much as humanly possible. Experience has shown me that it's usually the things that initially make me cry, or cause me a great deal of embarrassment, that I end up laughing about later. Of course, sometimes it takes weeks, or even months before I can look back and really see the humor in a given situation. RAD children just always seem to have this special knack for doing, or saying things that can bring a dead silence to an entire room full of people. Sometimes it seems as if they're just waiting... and watching... for that perfect moment to really let us have it. They manage to say and do things that make other children gasp... make teacher's cry... or make their parent's wish that they could slip down inside the cushions of the furniture and hide.
I've decided to dedicate this page to RAD parents everywhere. This is your page to share your favorite jokes, humorous stories, and life's most embarrassing moments with all of us. I want this page to become a place of refuge... a place where parents can come to smile... and laugh... when life gets a little too chaotic. You never know, as you read through these stories... you may just leave here feeling as if your life isn't quite that bad after all.
Are You Ready to Adopt a RAD child?
Are you considering adopting a RAD child? To determine whether you are truly prepared for the experience, we suggest you take this set of simple tests.
The MESS Test:
Ask someone to smear poop on your bathroom walls, blow their nose on your bedroom curtains, and pick their nose and wipe their boogers on the side of your favorite recliner. Don't forget to have them pee down the hot air registers, and in the bedroom closets. Now, have them put their fingers down their throat and vomit on the livingroom carpeting. If you can clean all of this up without vomiting... you may just make a great RAD parent.
The OUCH Test:
Have a friend purchase several boxes of thumbtacks and spread them all over the house. Now, cover your eyes with a blindfold and begin walking through the house. Your RAD child may do this just to get a reaction out of you, so it's best to practice this one ahead of time. Do NOT react. If you can pass this test without getting too angry... you'll more than likely be a wonderful RAD parent.
The GROCERY STORE Test:
Call the local zoo and ask if you can borrow one of their monkeys for an hour or so. Tell the monkey to walk beside you quietly as you shop, and be sure to pay for anything that he eats or breaks along the way. If you're still smiling at the end of this shopping trip, you'll definitely be able to survive grocery shopping with a RAD child.
The CAR RIDE Test:
Stop over at a neighbor's home and ask them if you can hire their child for an hour or so. Pay this child to sit beside you as you're driving your car. But... while you're driving, this child must hit you in the side of the head with matchbox cars, turn your radio volume up full blast, lay his head in your lap and grind his teeth, grab hold of your steering wheel and give it a quick tug to the right every now and then, and throw the car door open as you turn every corner. If you can survive an hour... and manage to get the child safely back home to his parents... you will definitely make it as a RAD parent.
The FEEDING Test:
This test also involves borrowing the neighbor's child. In order to pass this test, the neighbors' child must join you for dinner. Throughout the meal, the child must reach out and tip his glass of milk over several times, kick you under the table, sniff peas up inside his nose, chew up his food and spit it back on his plate, and stick his fork down the back of his throat until he vomits. If you can manage to keep your meal down... you'll do just fine as a RAD parent.
The BREAKAGE Test:
Invite your best friend to stop over for a visit. Invite her to go into your silverware drawer and take out every sharp knife that you have. Have her stand against the wall, and throw the knives at the opposite wall. Then ask her to lie down on the floor in various rooms throughout the house and kick holes in the drywall. Now, invite your friend to break out a few windows in both the house and the garage, to rip out just a few of your window screens, and to snap the windshield wiper off your car. As your friend is leaving, be sure to smile, give her a big hug, and remind her of how much you still care about her. If you can get through this assignment... you'll do just fine parenting a RAD.
The BEDTIME Test:
Go to Radio Shack and purchase a "siren" door alarm system. Before going to bed, set your alarm clock to go off 45 minutes after you've fallen asleep. Get up, walk to the guest bedroom, and open the door to set off the alarm. Now, go back to bed, reset your alarm clock, and repeat this every 45 minutes for the entire night. Do this every night for one week. If you can manage to stay awake, alert, and relaxed during the day... you'll make a great RAD parent.
Lay your wallet, cell phone, jewelry, and all of your valuables out on the kitchen table. Put a large sign in your front yard that welcomes all of your neighbors to stop in and visit. Invite them to help themselves to all of your possessions. If you can allow your neighbors to walk out the door with all of your precious possessions without shedding one tear, you are definitely ready to become a RAD parent.
Kim and Randy's twelve year old son had been having an exceptionally hard time "Minding His Own Business" as of late. His Attachment Therapist instructed his parents to send him out onto their balcony for one hour each day and have him "practice" his newfound skill of reporting the news. His parents decided to take advantage of that one hour of quiet by disappearing to the bedroom.
On one particular Saturday afternoon, their son was out on the balcony reporting the "Neighborhood News."
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot across the street," he yelled out.
"A firetruck just drove by without it's lights on!"
A few moments passed by and their son calls out, "Looks like the Smith's have company!"
After a few more minutes, "The Wilson's are grilling... and Cooper's mom and dad are having sex!"
His mom and dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that," his startled mother called out the window.
"Because Cooper is standing out on the balcony again too," his son reported.
One RAD Parent talking to another....
"I don't believe in spanking. I believe in tranquilizer darts."
Stress Management Techniques
1. Picture yourself near a stream.
2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3. No one but you knows your secret place.
4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called “the world”.
5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity.
6. The water is crystal clear.
7. You can easily make out the face of the person you’re holding underwater.
8. See! You’re smiling already.
A Post-it Note on Mom's Bedroom Door...
"Out of My Mind. Back in five minutes."
Now, here's an idea...
On the 1st day of school, a 1st-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother,
“The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”
How easy is it to find an Attachment Therapist that will accept Medicaid?
Just slightly more difficult than it would be to choose your own parents.
SOME THINGS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE SHARED IN THERAPY
We share an awful lot of private things in attachment therapy with our young daughter, but there are just some things that are just not meant to be shared with a therapist. My most embarrassing story happened when the therapist and I were holding my daughter who was in a terrible rage. I let go of her arm by accident and she grabbed my shirt with such force that she tore all of the buttons right off. I wasn't really in a big hurry to go back to his office after that day.
One beautiful child. Physically age 12.75, emotional age varies widely based on the situation. Works hard at everything she sets her mind to. Talents range from driving her mom crazy, to believing everything she says even when it is proven to be wrong. Currently on the road to self destruction and resisting any help or direction from those who love her. CALL if interested!!!
Did you hear about
the RAD Mom that confused her valium
with her birth control pills?
She had 14 more kids,
but she didn't really care.
(Or Should I Say BAD!)
Nursery Rhymes and Songs
Have you any shame?
No Sir, No Sir,
I accept "No" blame.
None for the stealing...
None for assault...
And none for the window...
It wasn't "My"fault!
Have you any shame?
No Sir, No Sir,
I accept "No" blame.
The Queen of RAD
The Queen of RAD,
Was very sad
On one hot summer's day.
Her RADish son,
While having fun
Got a wee bit carried away.
The King of RAD,
Better known as... Dad
Put their RADish in a "Hold"
So... his RADish son,
Knowing Dad had won
vowed to be "Good as Gold."
Does that surprise anyone?
OLD KING JOE
Old King Joe was a brave old soul...
And a brave old soul was he.
He "held" through the spit,
and he "held" through the kicks,
and he "held" through those threats of "pee."
Every King should have a fine hold,
And a very fine hold had he.
Yet... I'm glad we are done,
Cuz those sessions weren't fun
But that's... "Attachment Therapy."
Definitely NOT fun...
but a necessity for a RADish
We've Been Fightin' with a RADish
(To the Tune of "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad)
We've been fightin'
with a RADish...
All the live long day.
We've been fightin'
with a RADish...
Someone take this child away.
Don't you hear his sister crying?
His father just left town!
Can't you hear his brother shouting...
"RADish, please calm down!"
RADish, Go To Sleep!
RADish, Go To Sleep!
RADish, Go To Sleep
RADish, Go To Sleep!
RADish Go To Sleep!
RADish Go To Sleep Somehow!
Somethin' is the matter with Mama...
Somethin' is the matter we knooooooow...
Somethin' is the matter with Mama.......
She's sneakin' out the back window.
Oh My, Look at her go!
Oh My, Look at her gooooooo!
Oh My... Look at her go...
Sneakin' out the back window
THE BEST PLACE TO START A FIRE
I enrolled my seven year old RAD son in a safety program presented by the police and fire departments. On the third day of class at the fire station, my son entered the building and made a rapid turn towards the bathroom. I had a feeling that something strange was happening because he had just used the bathroom before we left home five minutes earlier. So, I stopped him and proceeded to search him, due to his history of stealing. As the firemen watched me, I felt something in my son's underwear. After further inspection, I reached in and pulled out a box of matches. My face turned red and I later explained that I had no idea how he gotten the matches. I guess of all the places to try to light fires, the bathroom of the fire station was the best. The firemen would have been available to put the fire out, and the police could have taken him to juvie for arson. Thankfully, I found his "secret" before he was able to cause damage.
Sent in by TinLion
There was this lifeguard at the community pool who said to the Mother of the young RADish - "You can't bring your child back here because he was peeing in the pool!"
The Mother said, "Well, anyone could have had an accident,
how do you know that it was my child?"
The lifeguard replied, "He was standing on the diving board. "
RESPITE HELP NEEDED!
For a Charming 8 Year Old!
In "YOUR HOME" Only!
Home Owners Insurance
Current Tetanus Shot
Wrestling Experience a Plus
Serious Inquiries Only!
A Questionably Funny Story
The next town down the road was having a garage sale day, where anyone can have a sale without requesting permits. Radish and Dad went garage sale shopping together. Our last stop was a 130+ year-old home. Antiques and collectables. RAD picks up a police Billy stick (night stick/club), calls Dad over and says in his usual loud voice, "Hey Dad, this would solve all your discipline problems!" RAD then asks the owner how he came about owning one of these. "A gift from a police friend in Montreal. It's over 100 year old" is the reply. Dad, in a moment of nervous stupidity, repeats to the owner the child's comment about solving the household discipline problems with such an item. Then Dad adds as an aside that the DPJ (youth protection) would swiftly be knocking on our door if he were ever to do so. As we cross the road to the car, the owner strode swiftly after us, and halted us near the other side of the road, asking, "Is everything all right?" Then said he hadn't wanted to embarrass us there at the sales table, but was curious as to how the adoption had gone. He was the Youth Protection pro-counsel (as in lawyer, I believe) present in the courtroom at all three of our adoptions!
A RAD EDUCATION
Okay... I'm going to admit to all of you that I can go in everyday and check my "site stats" to see who has been visiting "The Little Prince" website. Relax... it doesn't give me your name, address, and telephone number. It just tells me that someone has been there, what country they live in, if they found me from a search engine or from a link from somebody elses website, which pages they visited, how long they looked at each page, and the total amount of time that the person actually spent looking at my site. I check my website stats several times a day, so I know how much traffic is coming through here, and to find out which of the pages appear to be of interest to people that are searching for more information about RAD.
Well... I occasionally find information that makes me stop and think... and sometimes even SMILE. Like yesterday, as I was checking my site stats, and discovered that someone had found their way into my site by typing in a search for "RAD SEX ROOM." Now, I actually had to stop and think for a few minutes about that one because I've created some "interesting" pages here on this site, and I actually have some pretty unique ideas in my head for some new pages that I plan to add here at "The Little Prince" website, but I can assure you that I've never created any page that even faintly resembles a RAD SEX ROOM. : )
But... there's some good news about this story... you see, this site must have at least sparked a bit of interest to that RAD SEX ROOM searcher, because that person actually stayed on the site awhile and visited the "RAD SYMPTOMS and WHAT CAUSES RAD" pages. It's kind of refreshing to know that I'm educating people from all different walks of life.
Parents of RAD children invariably find one another,
primarily because no one else can tolerate us.
An 8-year-old is being punished and sits in the corner of the dining area at a table set especially for her. The rest of the family is ignoring her, until they hear her giving thanks.
She says, "I thank thee, Lord, for preparing a table before me
in the presence of mine enemies.
A young boy was kneeling by his bed and saying his prayers and
asked God to make him a good boy. The boy's father, passing by the bedroom,
overheard his son praying "And make me a good boy if You can. And if You can't,
don't worry about it, 'cause I'm having fun the way I am."
Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked,
"What are you up to there, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Little Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied,
"That's because he's inside your cat!"
Ain't this The Truth....
Success always occurs in private... and failure in full view.
Some Really Good Advice from Red Buttons....
"Never raise your hands to your kids.
It leaves your groin unprotected."
RAD Mother Talking to her Young Son...
"Is it time for your medication... or mine?"
One RAD Parent to Another....
"Someday we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject."
RAD Parent T-shirts...
Let me drop everything and work on your problem.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
This was me at least once or twice....
"Not all who wander are lost. Some of us just don't want to go back home."
Now, Here's a Really Good Idea...
"Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning
and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day."
A List of Children's Books That Didn't Make It
You're Different -- And That's Bad
Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
That's It, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
Your Nightmares Are Real
WHERE IS GOD?
A couple had two RAD sons, ages ten and twelve, who had been being excessively mischievous as of late. The parents were at their wit's end as to what to do about their sons' behavior, so they brought them to a clergyman in town that was known to be successful in disciplining RAD kids.
The clergyman agreed to help and asked to see the boys individually, so the ten-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that, the boy bolted from the room in a panic.
His older brother chased after him screaming, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We're in really BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric
train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons
of bitches who want to get off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop!
And all you sons of bitches who are returning and want to get on, get your asses
on the train now, cause we're going down the tracks!"
The mother went into the living room and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language
in this house. Now go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may go back and play with your train, but only if you use nice language."
Two hours later, the boy came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train.
Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you.
We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one.
We hope you will ride with us again soon."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow
all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on
the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
Then, the child added, "And for those of you who are pissed off
about the TWO HOUR delay, see the bitch in the kitchen."
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the child asked for cookies and her mother told her ``no.''
The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly,
``Now Ellen, we just have half of the aisles left to go through; don't be upset. It won't be long.''
He passed the Mother again in the candy aisle. Of course, the little girl began to shout for candy. When she was told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, ``There, there, Ellen, don't cry. Only two more aisles to go, and then we'll be checking out.''
The man again happened to be behind the pair at the check-out, where the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there would be no gum purchased today. The mother patiently said, ``Ellen, we'll be through this check out stand in five minutes, and then you can go home and have a nice nap.''
The man followed them out to the parking lot and stopped the woman to compliment her. ``I couldn't help noticing how patient you were with little Ellen...''
The mother broke in, ``My little girl's name is Tammy... I'm Ellen.''
A CUTE STORY
I was talking to a mother right here in the RAD chat room. I had mentioned that my child had a friend over visiting. Then later I mentioned that my child had brought me a peanut butter cup and a glass of milk. I joked with this mother that I thought I was being buttered up for something. A few minutes later my son came and sat down beside me at the computer. When I mentioned that my son was sitting beside me, the mother said hello to him. He said hello back. She then asked him if she could have a peanut butter cup. My son flashed me a shocked look and said, "How did she know that we were eating peanut butter cups?" A few seconds later she asked him if she could have some milk too. My son shot me a look of disbelief and then looked back up at the monitor. The mother had typed, "Who's your friend that's visiting with you?" My son got a completely horrified look on his face and screamed, "Oh My Gosh... she can see us!"
by Ash's Mom
My husband and I were foster parents for 12 years. We moved to a new house, well new to us. Our next door neighbors had a lovely double lot, nicely landscaped, and a patio where they always had their Sunday Brunch. They had an adopted child from Russia who was adorable. We had taken a sibling group of two sisters into our home as foster placements, and we also had our two adopted girls. I tried to always stress that the children be respectful to our neighbors, and thought it was working pretty well. Until the day that I looked outside just in time to see all four girls mooning the neighbors as they were enjoying their Sunday brunch. Horrified, I called them into the house and they couldn't swim for a week.
The following week our neighbors had a six foot privacy fence installed on our side only. There were no further conversations and to be honest, I felt really bad. We no longer have close neighbors except for bears, coyotes, deer and ducks. They don't mind whatever the children do at all. In fact, I caught Autumn mooning the ducks a few days ago, and they totally ignored it.
DO ADOPTIVE PARENTS HAVE SEX TOO?
I have an 8 year old RAD child that has been asking how a baby gets inside the mommy. I have been reading her books, answering her questions, and telling her about love and wanting to be close to the other person. One day when we were at the movies, before the movie started she says (really loud), "I know Aunt Susan and Uncle Mike had sex once because they have Theresa." There was a long pause, and she said, " Is sex something that you would ever want to have?"
I guess she thought that since she's adopted, I of course, have never had sex.
Sent in by TinLion
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
GRANDPARENTS AND SEX
I decided that I had to write to you about the morning that I almost choked on my cornflakes. While we were eating breakfast, my young daughter and I were talking about aunts and uncles. She was having a hard time understanding that her aunts and uncles were my brothers and sisters. So I was explaining that when I was a child like her, I lived with Aunt Renee, Aunt Shelley, Uncle Todd, etc. I have a pretty big family and as I was going down the list of names and telling her that we once lived in the same house like she now lives in the same house with her brothers and sisters, she popped up and said, "Wow, Grandma and Grandpa really had sex an awful lot."
A RADiculous Song
A few years ago my kids had this conversation:
Son: "Did you hear mcDonalds is putting pedometers in their happy meals?"
Daughter: "MMMM! That sounds delicious!"
Cinderella is a sham written from her point of view. Cinderella is really a RAD child who complains about all the chores she has to do but doesn't mention it's from all of the stealing and lying she's been doing. Her "wicked" stepmother is really just an adoptive mom trying to do the best with what she's been given. And the fairy godmother, the mice turning into horses, and the pumpkin turning into a carriage? Pu-leeeeeease! Have you ever listened to the stories of a RAD child? They have incredibly active imaginations! I feel really, really sorry for the handsome prince when he finds out what he's gotten himself into!!
I remember TLP sitting in the psychiatrist office eating the leaves off of the plant in the lobby. He sat there glaring at me... eating them one by one by one... daring me to stop him... until the receptionist looked at me and said,
"Will you please tell your son to stop eating our tree!!!"
I thought to myself... "Duh... why do you think we need a psychiatrist?????" lol
We adopted 4 months ago and our daughter has since been diagnosed with RAD. A well-meaning friend convinced me that I need some escapism in my life and begged me to read "50 Shades of Gray." I am 100 pages in and still reading not because of the sex scenes, but because I am convinced Christian Gray (the main character) has RAD. -Anonymous