Worried
“I’m going to tell her that my mom was so f____ing lazy that she wouldn’t get off the computer and pick up the f_____ing phone. I have a life!!!!! My life shouldn’t have to revolve around YOU all the time. Just pick up the f_____ing phone and call her back.”
Muttering to himself…. “Ignore me????? Yes, she’s doing a really good job at that. She’s an a____hole. All she cares about is herself… and her little typewriter in the living room!!!!!”
Me: “When you STOP… we will talk about this.”
“No… I’m not going to stop. I have so many unsafe thoughts going through my head right now. I’m thinking of really bad things right now…throwing a temper… throwing things. Ignore me… wont you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Yes, I still ignored him.
And, if I would have ever spoken to my mother like that, I would have been DEAD!!!!!
Lucky for TLP, that he has a good mommy who GETS IT. ; )
Obviously, I kept him home from school today… because he was NOT well. What I was hearing coming out of his mouth only confirmed that he was definitely not well. I hate to admit it but I was sort of scared to stay at home alone with him today. How's that for a brave warrior. : ( He's a huge kid, and he was not psychologically okay. I kept telling myself that I needed to keep his mind busy. It was raining out, and we went for a walk in the rain together. We walked to his favorite thrift store, and we spent a good share of time there... but I could still see that he wasn't okay. We left. We walked to our favorite pizza place... and sat and ate a piece of pizza together in almost total silence. He wasn’t talking and if he did, nothing good was coming out of his mouth. Nope, he still wasn't okay. : (
We walked to the therapist’s office at 12:30ish. Our appointment wasn't until 2:00 pm. We started walking the halls there... me talking... him pacing... me sitting on the steps near the office... and then we both paced the halls some more…. just waiting for our appointment time. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but it just felt much safer being there in the building… with people coming and going from the other office suites.
By some miracle of sorts, I looked up and saw his therapist in the hallway… and I don’t even remember what I said to him. I’m think I muttered something about knowing that we were there really early, but that we were just going to hang around in the hallway until it was time for our appointment. My guess is that I must have looked as worried as I felt because the therapist invited us to come inside, during what I think was supposed to be his lunch break. : ( I felt really bad about that, but at the same time… I also realized just how lucky and blessed we both really were that we had somewhere safe to go that day.
And just like MAGIC.... we both left there in a MUCH better space. : )
